Worf's recovery was slow, but after three days in the infirmary, Bashir released him.
"He will need someone to take care of him," Julian advised me.
"Worf is going to hate that," I answered.
"He is very weak, Jadzia."
"I know that. Don't worry. I didn't pull him out of the Rotarran to lose him now. I will take care of him."
Worf wanted to return to his own quarters, but Bashir advised him otherwise.
"Either you can stay here or you can stay with Jadzia," Julian said firmly. "You cannot be alone. I won't allow it."
Rarely does Julian inspire fear, but the grimness of his face convinced Worf that the doctor was completely serious about this. Worf sighed and looked at me and then back at the doctor.
"I will stay with Jadzia," he said.
"Was it really that hard of a decision?" I teased. Worf sighed.
I helped him walk to my quarters, letting him lean heavily on me. I know he was disturbed by how much he had to depend on me and I was determined not to make him feel anymore helpless than he already was.
"Here we are," I said cheerfully as we entered my quarters. "Home sweet home."
Worf threw me a scowl; I know he preferred the Defiant to the more luxurious accommodations on the station and didn't not appreciate my jokes about the Defiant's spartan quarters. Because of his injuries, Worf occupied the bottom bunk while I took the top.
"Of course I'm afraid I'll fall out at night," I told him as I settled him into the bed. I sat by his side, stroking his long hair.
"I will catch you if you do."
"If you are awake."
"A warrior never sleeps."
"Now that's not true," I laughed.
Worf caught me in his arms and kissed me lightly. He held me for a moment and then released me.
"I've missed you," he said.
"And I've missed you."
****
We returned to Starbase 357, where Martok had arranged to meet with some delegates from the Klingon High Council. He and Worf had a three hour meeting there, while I paced nervously outside. Julian offered to bring me something to eat, but I declined the kind offer; I was too wound up inside. Besides, I did not want to be away from Worf for too long. I knew that sooner or later we would be separated again. Finally, Worf and Martok emerged from the meeting, both of them beaming broadly. I immediately went to Worf's side, putting my arm around his waist. He hugged me as best as he could, without aggravating his injuries.
"Well?" I asked. "What's the verdict?"
"They are going to rebuild the Rotarran," Martok said with excitement.
"That's wonderful," I told him.
"She is a good ship," Worf agreed.
"How long?" I asked.
"They are refurbishing the Rotarran's sister ship, the Charra. It will take less than two weeks to get it here."
"Two weeks!" I exclaimed in dismay.
"You forget we are a battle-ready people," Worf said. "We are always prepared for these types of situations."
We decided to go to a Trill restaurant for lunch since I could not bear to go back to the Klingon restaurant where I had encountered Stephen several weeks previously. Martok who had never had any Trill cuisine did not seem particularly enamoured of the food and after fingering his food, he left us.
"What should we do now?" Worf asked after lunch.
"I don't know. Go for a walk?"
"Sounds good."
I hooked my arm in Worf's as we strolled the Promenade.
"You spent much time here," Worf observed. "You are familiar with this starbase."
"Almost two weeks," I said. "The Defiant came here after the Gorales battle. We sustained heavy damages to the ship. Thankfully, no one was fatally injured."
"I worried about you during Gorales."
"And I worried about you at Garida."
"At least we have this time together now. I will be going back with Martok when the new Rotarran arrives."
"I know that."
Worf looked at me in amazement, "I thought you would want me to stay."
"I do," I answered honestly. "But it's not what you want."
"Martok needs me."
"And Benjamin needs me."
"That settles it then. This will be over soon."
"You think?"
"I know it," Worf said feelingly. "I can smell victory."
"I'm glad you can, because I certainly can't."
We turned right and then I indicated to Worf that I wanted to stop.
"This is a lovely place to look at the ships docking," I told him.
"Very well."
We were not alone for long; a familiar personage joined us.
"Hello Sonora," I said uncomfortably.
Sonora Lyse nodded at me and then at Worf.
"Commander," she said. "A moment of your time."
I did not want to make a scene, so I went with her.
"There has been talk about a court martial for Stephen," Sonora began tremulously. "I was just told by Starfleet that there was an incident, less than two days ago. He attacked this woman� not attacked, really, but he made advances to her."
"And?"
"She shot him with her phaser. Apparently, she is with security."
"Bad choice."
"Very bad," Sonora smiled. I found myself intrigued by Sonora now. I wondered what she wanted.
"Anyway, there is going to be a hearing in two days and I was wondering if you could be there," she said.
"To defend Stephen?" I laughed harshly. "No, I don't think so."
"That's not what I'm asking," Sonora's gaze leveled with mine. "I'm asking you to be there, that's all. To stand by me and make sure that Stephen does indeed get his court martial."
I nearly choked, "What?"
"I don't trust him," she said. "And don't think this is petty revenge, Jadzia, because it isn't. I've known of his behavior for a long time. I know some of his affairs have been mutually felt, but others, no. I don't think so. I think about that poor ensign and it makes me sick. Something had to be done. Will you help me make sure that I don't back down this time?"
I looked back at Worf; Sonora followed my gaze.
"Is that your fiancé?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Then maybe-"
"No," I said. "I was going to tell Worf anyway. It's not something I can keep from him. And yes, I will help you."
Sonora looked relieved, "Good. And Jadzia, I am sorry for the past."
I touched her gently, "It does not matter now, does it? I only hope that I can help you now."
"Funny how things change, isn't it? I never did think I would ask you for help. I always had too much pride for that."
I smiled at Sonora, thinking that I had misjudged her in the past; that all of her actions had been out of desperation for man who really cared very little for her. Of course now, in retrospect, I could understand all of that.
"I understand," I answered. "And you know, eight years ago, I would never have dreamed of speaking with you. I was always so angry at you. Always thinking that you had come between Stephen and I, mostly because I was too stupid to really understand what kind of man he really is."
"He fooled us both," Sonora said softly. "But the worst part is, I let it go on. But now I can do something about it and I will. And to be honest, Jadzia, I've had these thoughts before, and at the last moment, I've always backed down. That's why I'm asking that you stand by me now and make sure that he gets what he deserves."
I wasn't quite sure what Sonora truly wanted from me, but I knew I could not deny her request.
"When I saw you that first day here," Sonora continued. "I felt so threatened. I felt that I would lose Stephen if I didn't make it clear to you that he was mine. Afterwards, I felt so stupid, because I was fighting for something that really didn't mean anything. Not to him, not to me. So I hope you accept my apology for my behavior earlier. It was unforgivable."
"I accept," I told her.
"So you will do this for me? This one favor?"
"Yes. I will see you in two days."
"Thank you," Sonora clasped my hands and then looking around hastily, she headed off in the opposite direction.
I rejoined Worf. He looked after Sonora's retreating figure.
"Who was that?" he asked.
I put my hands on Worf's hips, "Worf, that was Sonora Lyse. I have something important to tell you."
****
Worf listened to me as I spoke and I rapidly grew more afraid, because I could not read his expression.
"I didn't mean to kiss him, Worf, I didn't. It just happened. And for a strange second, I thought it was you. And then it was him again. I was so afraid then."
"Afraid?"
I nodded, "Because I didn't know what was happening to me. I felt so strange, so unlike myself. It was almost as if I'd become� Jadzia."
Worf eyed me curiously, "What does that mean?"
"It was like I had gone back to that time when only he mattered and nothing else did. And it was strange that power he had over me. I can't explain it and I can only ask you to forgive me. It was a kiss, nothing more."
"I do not like being made a fool of, Jadzia. You are my par'machkai, this type of behavior is unacceptable."
"I know," I said miserably. "I didn't want any of it to happen, I really didn't."
"Has it happened before?"
"No and it will not happen again."
Worf was silent; I could tell he was thinking. I sat down on the bed next to him and put my arm on his shoulders. He did not pull away and I took this to be a good sign.
"How will I trust you again?" he asked.
"You can," I told him. "Believe me, you can. It won't happen again. I promise you that."
"I am wondering if we should get married now. In Klingon society, our marriage would be frowned upon. Your worth as a wife would be doubted.
I closed my eyes, trying to choke back the sobs rising in my throat. So my faithless heart had indeed cost me Worf. Indeed, I knew Klingon society would never accept me now if news of this betrayal ever broke out.
"I understand," I said softly. "I am sorry, Worf."
Worf rose.
"I have to think about this," he said. With that he departed.
I stared after the closing doors, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I buried my face in my hands and crouched on the bed, almost like a baby, the tears running through the cracks between my fingers.
****
I did not see Worf the next day when I woke and I knew he was still angry with me. To be honest, I did not blame him. My anger at myself still burned deep within me and I knew it would take much time before I forgave myself. With my own guilt holding me back, how could I expect Worf to forgive me so easily?
I got dressed, trying very hard to maintain my composure. My hands were shaking as I put my hair back into the silver clip and the barrette clattered to the floor. I picked it up and then bumped my head against the wall in the process. Finally, I just sat there, laughing hysterically.
"This is crazy," I said. "Absolutely crazy."
Inside, my whole body tingled. I hadn't felt this nervous before, not since just before I had been joined. Back then, when I had learned I would receive the Dax symbiont, I had been excited that about the joining, so relieved that all my hard work had finally paid off. And I won't lie - I had been terrified about the actual process of being joined and then afterwards, what my life would be like. I did not know then what kind of person would I be after the joining and I was terribly afraid then, that Stephen was right. That joining was an unnatural thing and I would be irrevocably changed.
Well, I had changed, but not so much I could no longer recognize myself.
I got to my feet and looked at the image staring me back in the mirror. The face belonged to the Jadzia who had loved Stephen so passionately, but I knew the heart of Jadzia Dax belonged to Worf, son of Mogh.
"He will come back to me," I said. "He must."
And if he didn't?
Well, I didn't have an answer for that, only a tremendous hope in my heart that Worf would forgive me.
****
Sisko called me to his quarters later that same day. I found him enjoying a raktijino and saw that he had ordered one for me also.
"Sit, Old Man," he said genially. I noticed that he was very casual, dressed in regular clothing.
I obeyed him, sitting opposite him. He pushed the raktijino towards me.
"Just the way you like it," he told me.
I took a deep breath of the beverage, "Yes, thank you."
"Enjoying your reunion with Worf?"
"It's been� um, interesting," I smiled hesitantly.
"I thought so," Sisko said.
"Excuse me?"
"I saw him coming out of Martok's quarters this morning. Apparently he spent the night there."
I blushed in spite of myself; of course on a ship the size of the Defiant, everyone was in everyone else's business. I wondered how long it would be before the whole ship knew what I had done. And if Sisko knew, he was too much of a gentleman to say anything directly.
"We had a minor disagreement," I said softly. "Hopefully it will blow over."
"Something serious?"
I hesitated, wondering how much I should confess at this point. Worf was a very private individual and I knew he would not appreciate it if the whole ship knew what I had done. But at the same time, Benjamin was a very old and dear friend of mine and I knew I could trust him.
"Yes."
Sisko looked at me and then reached across the table to cover my hand with his. I felt immediate reassurance from that warm touch. He smiled at me then. A smile that was filled with warmth and kindness, one that asked me to confide in him.
"Jadzia�"
"Yes?"
"Tell me."
My lower lip trembled slightly, "You were right, Benjamin. You were right about Stephen."
"I did not want to be right, Jadzia. In fact, I was very afraid for you. Afraid that you would cross the line. And you did."
"You know?" I stared at him in shock and then quickly recovered my equilibrium. Of course Benjamin would know; he knew me better than anyone else. And besides, there are things one can see even when nothing is said. This, I realized, had been one of those times.
"I suspected. The Defiant's security logs showed that Stephen had been here one night. Security showed that he had been working in the engine room and O'Brien confirmed that. But the following day after his visit, you did not seem yourself. I was sure something had happened between the two of you but I was not quite sure what. From your later behavior, I deduced that it was something that you felt tremendous guilt over. Something that would cause you to lie to all of us. And there can be only one reason you would do that, isn't there?"
"Yes," I said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Does Worf know?"
"Yes, but nothing happened, Benjamin. I swear it. It was only a kiss� well, several kisses that is. But it didn't mean anything and I was going to call security�"
"Jadzia!" Benjamin said in that forceful voice of his. I always shivered whenever he used that tone on me.
I closed my eyes, "It was more than a kiss or two, Benjamin. It was more and if he hadn't stopped for that single second, I would not have called security, I would not have stopped him. I wanted him too much in that moment to make him stop. I can blame the Curzon in me for that, but that wouldn't right and we both know that."
"And you've told Worf this?"
"I know, it was wrong," I said. "And I told Worf. I had to."
I felt my face heating up as I remembered telling Worf how I had stood there naked in front of Stephen and how this other man had put his hands on me. I shivered, thinking of Worf's face as he had listened, his expression growing darker as I spoke.
"And now?" Sisko asked gently.
"He doesn't know if he wants to marry me. I've ruined everything, Benjamin. Everything. And I'm not quite sure why. I'm trying to justify it all a million different ways but it's not working, Benjamin. I wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to let go, to be impulsive just because Worf was not here. How can I explain that? How do I explain it so that he understands? How can I explain when I don't even understand?"
Benjamin sighed and stood up. I looked at him pleadingly.
"You have to help me get him back, Benjamin," I said.
"What can I do?" he asked me softly. "It was your mistake, Jadzia. And I wonder if that Curzon in you had something to do with it."
"Curzon?"
"You know what I mean. You said it yourself. Curzon never could resist a pretty face, no matter who he happened to be with at the moment," Sisko shook his head. "It amazed me, really, how he could go from one woman to another like that. It seemed to take a sort of coldness, I think, along with an appreciation for the body physical. A sense of loyalty and devotion was utterly missing from your previous host."
"I'm not like that!"
Sisko leveled me with his steady gaze. I withered under that glare and I knew he was right. Like I had confessed to Marisol, I had had many lovers after Stephen and I had not been known to be steady with my affections. But I had changed since then. Loving Worf had changed that about me� or was Benjamin right? Was I like Curzon? Or worse, was it what Marisol had said about me? That I was afraid of commitment, that I was always running?
"I can't lose him," I told Benjamin. "I can't."
"Then you need to talk to him," Benjamin said quietly. "I don't know what else you can do. Tell him how sorry you are and make him believe you. You have to rebuild that trust, Jadzia. It will be difficult, because once trust is gone, it's hard to get back."
"Believe me, I'm going to try everything. Twice," with that, I got up from my seat, "Thanks for the raktijino, Benjamin."
"Anytime, Old Man."
I left Benjamin's quarters with a queasy feeling in my stomach; I know he had intended to make me feel better, but frankly, I felt much worse and knew that I would have to fight as never before to get Worf back.
****
I found myself lingering over some stale bloodwine in a long forgotten Klingon bar somewhere in the depths of the station.
This was the less than couture section of the station, where all sorts of types hung out. Curzon, I knew, would have loved this; he loved analyzing behaviors of all kind. And Quark! Well, Quark would have found himself out-matched in the field of criminal activity when faced with this motley crew.
Curzon. I wiped the back of my hand against my eyes; I felt so tired all of a sudden. Since Benjamin had mentioned Curzon, I could not get him out of my mind. I had often prided myself on being more steadfast and loyal than Curzon had been, but now I realized that it had all been a matter of perspective.
As much as I wanted to deny it, there was a part of me that just wanted to keep going, keeping loving as many people as possible. And this upcoming wedding (if it happened) would constrict me.
"This is crazy," I said into my bloodwine. "There's nothing wrong with settling down. Nothing."
And of course I knew what I wanted; I had always been very sure of that, very centered in myself. And now, for the first time in years, I was doubting myself.
"Make a decision, Jadzia," I said again into the bloodwine. I thought for a moment how nice it would be to have Morn here; he always gave such good advice. My hands were shaking now with my own fears.
"I'm not Curzon," I said out-loud, so loudly that people around me stared at me for a moment. I grinned sheepishly. I would prove them all wrong, I thought, I would prove I could be trusted.
That's if, I thought, if Worf will take me back.
Finished with the bloodwine, I waved to the bartender.
"How much do I owe you?" I asked. "It was terrible, by the way."
The Andorian bartender scowled at me, "Nothing. It has been taken care of."
"By who?"
"He gave no name."
I looked at the Andorian thoughtfully, but he had already moved on to another customer. I sighed.
I rose from the table and walked out, nearly colliding with Stephen Lam.
"Hello," I said with all the politeness I could muster. Stephen looked at me wearily, his eyes rimmed with red. His arm was all bound up, perhaps from the phaser injury he had just sustained two days ago. In spite of myself, I felt so sorry for him because he looked so miserable.
"Jadzia."
"I suppose I should thank you for the drink," I said with a smile.
"After all the trouble I've caused, it was the least I could do."
"Stephen, I really shouldn't be talking to you."
"I suppose you know," he said dully.
"About the court martial? Yes."
"I was afraid of that."
I moved away from him, careful to keep enough distance between the two of us.
"You don't have to be afraid, Jadzia," he said. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"You'll have to forgive me if I don't quite believe you."
"Can we talk?" Stephen looked at me pleadingly. There was something in his eyes which caught at my heart and I found myself giving into him. While every impulse in me screamed,
"No," I nodded at him.
"Of course," I said gently.
We found a quiet bench somewhere. Stephen sat down but I remained standing. He looked at me and laughed, almost cynically.
"I'm not going to touch you, Jadzia."
"I can stand. We won't be long. You have exactly ten minutes to tell me what you want and then I'm leaving. I'm not giving you the chance to start something with me again. You've already done enough. So speak or I'm leaving."
"Ah. Stubborn, are we? That's not something I would have expected from you. There was a time when you did everything I asked."
"That was eight years ago. I have changed."
"So I have observed."
Stephen looked down at his hands, examining his fingernails.
"What do you suppose will happen to me?" he asked conversationally.
"Happen to you? What do you mean?"
"At the court martial, day after tomorrow. What do you think will happen?"
"I don't know."
"Sonora told me you were going to be there."
"She asked me to be."
"I know," Stephen said quietly. "She's gone, Jadzia. She left. The last thing she told me before she took the kids was that she was so glad she had met up with you because you gave her the strength to leave."
"I never did anything of the sort," I protested. The last thing I wanted to be blamed for was the disintegration of Stephen's marriage. But I understood Stephen; nothing was ever his fault.
"I don't understand why this is happening to me."
"I think you do."
Silence again. I tried not to look at him but again, I could not resist. I placed my hand on his shoulder gently. He turned and took my hand, clasping it between his. His grip was strong; I tried to pull my hand away but he held it tightly. I relented.
"Jadzia, do you remember Niagara Falls?"
"Yes, of course."
"We had a good time, didn't we?"
"A very good time."
He was rubbing my hands now, almost absently. A chill of fear ran up my spine.
"Remember how we stood on the edge of the hovercraft and looked all the way down that magnificent fall? And the water kept hitting you in the face? Do you remember that?" he asked.
"I do."
"I remember later we went back to our room and that's when you told me you wanted to be joined."
I stiffened, recalling exactly the fight we had had that afternoon. How angry I had been that he could not accept what I wanted.
"I was so mad at you," Stephen looked at me now for the first time and again, I was struck by his eyes, how deep and wonderful they were. "So mad at you because the moment you told me that I realized I was in love with you."
"We'd been together almost four years at that point, Stephen," I said shakily. "It took that long?"
"I was a fool and I freely admit it, Jadzia. I guess I was scared of losing you. That's why I discouraged the joining. I didn't see how important it was to you. I only knew that you would change and I was afraid you would not love me anymore."
"You never gave me that chance," I said softly.
Stephen sighed and stood up. He put his hands on my hips.
"Do you suppose this could be our second chance?" he asked, his lips very close to mine.
I turned my head away, "No."
"It's destiny that we were reunited."
"Now you're crazy," I pulled away from him, but he held me tight. "Stephen, you're hurting me."
His grip tightened for a second and then, thankfully, he released me. He walked away a few steps and then returned.
"I did not mean any of the pain I caused you," he said almost furiously.
I recoiled from his anger; it was almost as he had slammed me against the wall again.
"This conversation is over!" I told him. My hands started to shake and I tried very hard to control the quivering, but the shivers continued throughout my body. I started walking away but
Stephen followed me. He reached over and grabbed my arm.
"Don't you walk away from me, Jadzia!"
"Stop it!" I shook my arm free. "You can't command me anymore. I'm not going to listen to you. That's what you were really afraid of, wasn't it? That you wouldn't be able to control me anymore? You were afraid the joining would make me stronger, you were never afraid of losing my love. No, that's never what you were about, was it? And now you're afraid again because Sonora refused to cover for you this time. And you were right, Stephen, the joining did change me and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me."
I could hardly breathe as I finished talking. I pressed my hand against my heart, trying to quell the pounding in my chest. Stephen was looking at me oddly as I leaned against the wall.
"Don't you ever come near me again!" I continued. "And you know tomorrow, I'm going to tell Starfleet exactly how you've acted towards me. If that court martial gives me a chance, I'm going to tell them everything that's happened since I came aboard this starbase. I'm not going to hold back, Stephen. I can promise you that."
"It'll be your word against mine," Stephen said arrogantly.
My hands were shaking as I pressed against the wall, trying to move away from Stephen.
"Perhaps," I whispered. "But there is plenty of evidence from others that you have hurt�"
The bright lights seemed suddenly violent and I lifted my hands to block the glare. I could see Stephen, looming in front of me, suddenly larger than anything else.
"No!" I screamed before collapsing into grateful darkness.
****
I woke in the infirmary, my body aching all over. Everything seemed out of focus, just a vivid blur of colors.
"Just lie back, Jadzia."
I recognized Julian's soothing voice, but I could not see him. I reached out blindly and touched a hand. Worf.
"Worf?" I whispered.
"I am here."
And then I felt the cool hiss of the hypospray against my neck and I slept.
****
My eyes opened and I saw Worf sitting by my side. He smiled down at me and smoothed my hair out of my face. He was holding my hand and his grip tightened as I turned my attention to him.
"Worf," I said hoarsely. "What happened?"
"I might be able to answer that better, Jadzia," Bashir said. "How do you feel?"
"Terrible. Absolutely terrible."
"You should," Bashir said. "You have a high quantity of demaxon in your blood stream."
"Demaxon?"
"Yes," Bashir said. "It's a substance, quite rare, found among some humans, particularly those from the Narai Colony on Korada IV."
I struggled to sit up and Worf helped me.
"I've never been to Narai or Korada for that matter," I said.
"Not you," Bashir said. "Stephen Lam."
"What?" I exclaimed.
"He spent two years there just before coming to Starfleet Academy. He was contaminated with this substance while at Narai," Bashir explained. "I'm not surprised he didn't tell you."
"I still don't understand," I said.
"Damaxon is a potent pheromone," Bashir said. "Those who have it in their bodies possess an unconscious magnetism; other people can't resist them."
"Are you saying that's what happened to me?" I asked.
Julian nodded.
"Security found you on the floor near a bar on the third level," Bashir told me. "Stephen was still with you and he said that you had fainted but others around you had heard the two of you arguing and one woman said she had heard you tell Stephen to leave you alone. So security took him into custody."
"I still don't understand what this thing is. It's a pheromone? A drug of some kind? Is that why I couldn't help myself with Stephen?"
"Perhaps," Julian replied. "But I only now detected elevated quantities of damaxon in you. Before, you just had a trace, quite normal in Trills and several other species. But I think he passed the damaxon on to you without your knowledge."
"How?" I asked.
"Well," Bashir looked at Worf uncomfortably. I shifted, trying not to meet Worf's eye.
"It's all right," I said. "I think I understand."
"With this substance in your blood, you were instantly attracted to him," Bashir said. "I don't think you had any control over your actions."
At that moment, Worf's comm beeped.
"Sisko to Commander Worf. I need to see you right away."
"On my way, Sir," Worf answered. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "We will talk later."
After Worf was gone, I looked at Julian.
"You made that all up," I accused him. Julian smiled.
"Yes," he admitted. "Though, you did have quite a bit of damaxon in you just now. That's why you fainted. I suspect though Stephen passed it onto you in some form, maybe a drink or food?"
"The bloodwine!" I exclaimed. "I had that just before I met him. Somehow he must have put it in the bloodwine. That would explain why he paid for the drink."
Julian nodded, "Very likely."
"But Stephen? The story about Narai -"
"That is all true. It's documented about the Naraians and their unusual attractiveness to others. But it's very unlikely that this pheromone could be passed through simple touch."
"Do you think Stephen knew?"
"That he had this? I'm sure he did."
"And he probably used it the whole time I was with him," I said, suddenly feeling a surge of anger running through me. "I've always wondered that about my relationship with him. Why I stayed for those four years, why I ignored his relationship with Sonora. I always wondered about that. Now I know."
"It's not just that," Julian said. "Small doses of the chemical wouldn't harm you or severely alter your actions. There has to be some underlying attraction in the first place. I'm afraid you're not completely off the hook, Jadzia."
I sighed, "I'm trying to find another reason, Julian. And the only thing I keep coming back to is either I can't control Curzon's impulses or that it's me. I haven't really changed as much I thought I had. Worf was right; he can't trust me."
"That's not true, Jadzia."
"It is!" I got up off the biobed, still feeling weak. "God, how could I let this happen? How could I let him kiss me?"
"Don't beat yourself up too much."
"Stop trying to make me feel better!"
Julian was immediately silent and I regretted my harshness.
"I'm sorry, Julian. You were just being a friend. I'm sorry. And you did such a nice thing for me just now. This thing with the damaxon, it may be the only thing that brings Worf back to me."
"It's a reason I think he will accept."
"Why did you do that, Julian? You didn't have to make something up."
Julian shrugged, "I didn't know if Worf would ever forgive you and I know how you feel about each other. I suppose I did it to make sure that he would think it wasn't your fault and then he would forgive you."
"Oh, I hope you're right," I said fervently, even as a little pang of guilt crept into me.
"And Jadzia?"
"Yes?"
"Is there any reason why Stephen would want you dead?"
I looked at him, my eyes opening wide.
"What?" I whispered.
"The amount of damaxon in your blood, it's enough to kill anyone, especially a Trill, at least ten times over."
Go to the conclusion
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